A few days ago a mother told me:
‘Oh! Maternity! as wonderful as it is distressing '
If you had asked me three years ago what my thoughts were on motherhood, I would have answered only half of what I have learned with M.
For me being a mother was enjoying to feel something move inside you, see how it grows, how you think, what you like, meet the world again from another point of view, work as a team with your partner making common decisions and much more.
This hasn't changed at all, in fact it's better than I expected. But, like everything, it is true that motherhood also has its shadows.
As soon as I got out of the hospital, I got home, put the key in the lock, and began to cry completely heartbroken. I asked my partner not to go to work, to stay with us for 2 weeks, until I was able to see IF I COULD WITH EVERYTHING.
With everything? What does power with everything mean?
Where did that expression and feeling come from? I still don't know, because I still have to repeat myself over and over again 'Leave it already! It is impossible for you to make food, put a washing machine, clean the house, play with the girl and work 8 hours. It is impossible'
Almost 2 years have passed since that moment and to this day I still feel guilty many nights because I have the feeling that I have not arrived.
But where do I have to go? Who is waiting behind the door to review and tell me if what I have done is enough or right or wrong?
Enough already! You have to stop torturing yourself.
We are not super women. We are not fighters. We are neither the woman of the future nor do we have to be like our mothers or grandmothers. We are not hysterical. We don't have to listen to everything, be understanding, or save the world. You don't have to have 'energy to stop a train'. We are not better mothers for making the beds every day, the fluffiest omelette, ironing all the shirts in the house, leaving the towels softer than cuddling and smelling good on top. We don't want our children to run to their friends and say: 'my mother knows everything and does everything super well'. We don't want to be all that because we won't be able to with ourselves. We will not be able to with our stress, with our desire to stop, with the need to scream, with the desire to say, I don't like this! I want to stop!
We want to teach our children another part. That part where the shirts are wrinkled, but I smile. Where the shelves are not perfectly arranged but we have learned 2 new songs. Where we do not eat the most elaborate stews in the world but we enjoy eating together.
Thus we will teach them to choose what they like, without demands, without ever listening to it. 'My daughter, whatever you do you have to be the best' . To chase your dreams without having to lift the ax of the fight. To see you cry or see you tired and understand that sometimes mom can and sometimes not. Our children learn from what they see, not just from what we tell them.
And nothing happens, because mom is also a person. They don't want to be proud of you, they want to be with you. Without nerves or tensions.
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