It is quite likely that all you read today in this post affective needs of children, sound familiar. Logical, we are parents and, oddly enough, we have many things in common.
A few months ago I was in another talk by Carlos González, a pediatrician specialized in parenting with attachment, feeding and breastfeeding. The central theme of the meeting were children's affective needs. I summarize the talk very quickly (but do not forget to see all the points that are the subject for a year)
You kiss your children, you take them in your arms, you nurse them as many times as you like and you share a bed with them because nature has made it so. And who knows more, nature or the neighbor of the fifth?
Learning and maturity
Carlos González began the talk by showing us a series of images of the animal world in which all the parents in the room felt identified. You?
Thanks to these photos he explained to us that, for example, the monkeys (our first cousins) the first months of life learn everything on top of their mothers. They are porter moms. We were all amazed when he told us that walking is not learned but is a matter of maturity. It is something that humans instinctively do after a maturation process. Conclusion:
As much as you stimulate a child to walk, talk, take off his diaper; until he is ready he will not. Learning is something that is taught and that requires an effort to learn, such as mathematics, physics, learning an instrument. But all children walk, talk, and pee without a diaper unless they have a developmental problem.
We want our children to be independent from babies
What do we mean by the word independence? Let them make the soup by themselves? Have them suddenly get up from the table and say, 'Good night, dad, mom, am I going to sleep? Does independence mean that the baby should do what I (adult) want, when I want, how I want and why I want? They want him to do his homework without question, not to bother while dad or mom are watching his favorite show, not to cry to ask for things even if they can't speak, to sleep all night alone because otherwise the adults are exhausted. Does that have something to do with independence? A human being is never independent. When you live alone, what do you like to be with friends, that your partner come to sleep at your house or that your parents come to eat at your house on Sundays? We live in a group because otherwise we die or we get a horse depression. A baby cannot be independent from its parents because otherwise it dies. It is not just about food, it is also about the need for love and attachment.
Do you know the harlow's experiment? The conclusion they reached after placing a baby monkey with two (fictional) monkeys, one made of wire with a bottle and the other covered with stuffed animals, was that love was more important than food. The monkey spent hours hooked on the mother's hair and when she could no longer starve, she leaned for the bottle without releasing for a minute 'the loving mother'.
Attachment, or bonding, is a basic need for babies. This bond is usually created with a single person, the one who spends the most time with them. This attachment lasts for a lifetime and it depends on what the child will do in the future. If the bond is good, the little one will create good bonds in his future.
Children are able to give orders from 10 days
Yes it's correct. Children give us orders from birth, but thank goodness! Children instinctively cry when they are hungry, sleepy, cold, dirty diapers, pain, etc. They need an adult to do those things that they still can't do.
You have never heard an adult say to a mother or father: 'You've seen, that was alligator tears. You pick him up and he stops crying! He's manipulating you! '
Of course it's normal for me to stop crying! You have satisfied his need by taking it because He needed pampering, the warmth of mom or dad, pain that when he moved it is gone or hunger. When a baby asks, you have to listen to him, he is dependent and depends on you giving him what he needs.
Later, when education comes into play, it is not always about doing what he wants, but it is not necessary to deny it systematically. It is about establishing communication and if it is reasonable and the time is right then why not? It is a matter of using common sense, you do not have to give it much more thought.
There are children who are constantly attracting attention
Have you ever wondered why? Have you observed what their environment is? Perhaps the problem is not the child. According to Carlos González, children who are constantly attracting attention often respond to patterns of jealousy for new siblings, parents whom they see little, a child who is attracting the attention of his parents more than he, mother or father are on the phone.
According to the pediatrician, jealousy is justified because they feel that if 'we belong to another' (little brother, father / mother, child of friends, telephone) the emotional relationship breaks down and they depend on it.
If a mother or father (or person with whom you have created the bond) is not aware of that child, he reminds you of it. Doesn't this sound familiar to you?
- BOY: Look mom! Look how I jump! Look Mom! Look how I paint! Look Mom! Look what a cool castle I've built!
- MOTHER: In the end you will wear out my name ...
That a child wants you to see all his achievements is simply because he loves you and wants to share his happiness with you. A child who does this and receives a look is a child who will not cry.
Ask yourself if you like to be loved, to be hugged, to be looked after when you are sick, to be made to eat when you have so much work that you cannot make it for yourself or to be listened to when you cry because you are sad.
Well, to them more because you are their only reference.