'Half an hour a day doing things right is enough to educate a child'
That explained Eduard Estivill in the interview they did to him a few days ago in LNE.
Wow! That seems to be the problem with the method you want to sell. It is not about quantifying, measuring in minutes or determining with 'rigid' points what we must do so that the baby 'does things right'. A baby doesn't do things right, he does what he feels and needs to.
Surely all of you have heard of 'his method' (which is not his, although he wants us to believe that it is actually Richard Ferber's). Explained in general terms, it is about 'teaching' children to sleep. According to him, children should sleep from 11 to 12 hours at night and an hour of nap. If you are one of those who have his book and it has not worked for you, know that it is your fault for not having done it well.
Anyway, 90 percent of the people who have it have worked and the remaining 10 percent is because either they don't read it in full or they don't read it both, the father and the mother, and if they don't do it that way they won't. works. In any case, I insist that it is a scientific method and if two million copies of "Sleep as a child" have been sold, it is precisely for that reason and because it works as long as things are done well.
But what scares me the most is not what he thinks, it is what happens to children who have experienced this method. Children who, possibly, have lost confidence in their parents because they verified that 'no one is going to come to my tears', who have felt very lonely and have feared the time to go to sleep, as in the case of this girl:
After a few months the fear of the feeling of emptiness in the stomach, tachycardia (which at the time I did not even realize since I did not know what it was) and the desire to vomit were advancing to the event of going to bed. First they started at dinner time, then when I returned with the school bus, later in the courtyard at 17:00 to school, until I began to have that feeling that I now recognize by name: "anxiety" , just when I finished eating lunch at school.
The days for me went from having a pipe at school and getting up often at night because I couldn't sleep to:
- I got up, happy because it was a long way to go to sleep
- I went to school, happy because I had a long way to go to sleep
- patio in the morning: happy because she still needed to go to sleep
- Lunch: well, the midpoint of the day arrived, and half the day was left to go to sleep. I was beginning to be afraid that anxiety would come to me because it had been coming after lunch for a few days.
- afternoon: I was not concentrating on classes. I had a hard time hearing when I had that feeling in my belly. Sometimes I would ask to go to the bathroom when I was having trouble breathing, but I didn't want anyone to find out and laugh at me, so I said I had a pee.
- the return home: total anxiety. I would be going to dinner and bed soon.
- Dinner…. almost no need to tell anything else.
At night I slept, yes. Because she was under such stress all day that she was exhausted at that time. I cried half an hour or an hour if you hurry me up and I fell exhausted
And why did you feel this way? It may be because for Mr. Estivill it is normal that:
"... the logical thing is that he cries, screams, vomits, kicks, says" thirst "," hunger "," pupa "," I don't want you "... whatever it is to get you to bow down, but don't flinch ... AND If it costs you a lot, think that you are doing it for your health and that of the whole family… ” "... Chances are that at that moment he is crying with a runny nose ... no matter. Keep talking like nothing ... ".
"It does not cost a child much to vomit, and even if he is beaten - something that in principle can alarm you and with reason - he will not harm himself and will let it run as soon as he understands that you do not give it any importance ” . “You must disappear from the room before the child falls asleep. You do not have to help him catch the dream, cradling it, caressing it or throwing parties.
It is not difficult to think, when you are a mother, that leaving a child crying, vomiting, hitting the bars of the crib and screaming only in his room for 1 hour is not pleasant, is it necessary? Do we want our children to learn through blood and tears?
First-time parents surely ask questions like:
- Do you learn to sleep?
- Does my child have a disorder if he sleeps less than 11/12 hours?
- That my son does not want to sleep in the crib is because he has a disorder and we are not doing things well?
- At what age do you have to sleep alone?
- Am I doing it wrong when I sleep in your arms, on my chest or singing a lullaby?
It is normal, the sleep of the babies raises many doubts. We all want our son to rest so that his development is correct. But there are much healthier ways to answer these questions.
Reasons why you should not apply the Estivill method with your children, grandchildren or nephews:
- Children do not sleep through the night until they are 6 years old. In fact, no one sleeps through the night. We wake up in dreams, thirst, desire to go to the bathroom, but as adults we fall asleep easily. It is not bad for a baby to wake up at night. Those awakenings are more troublesome for parents than for baby.
- A baby has the right to be respected as an adult Would you let your partner cry for an hour without asking what's wrong? Would you let your mother cry after cutting herself peeling potatoes so that she learns that it is not necessary to do so?
- You are clear that the baby is safe in his crib but he is not. A baby feels except next to his mother. Not having you around poses a threat to him. Without the instinct to cry to alert her mother to danger, she could die. Being in the dark, alone in his crib and without a mother to feed him is a danger to him. When a child's cry is not attended to, it secretes adrenaline and other substances that trigger a state of alert throughout the body because you feel in danger. The amygdala, a part of the emotional brain, collapses and then the body begins to secrete new substances (endorphins, serotonin) to combat that state of alert. Then the child, drugged by his own organism, falls asleep. Have you learned to sleep? No, he is in shock. This is the basis for the effectiveness of the Estivill method.
- Prolonged exposure to adrenaline and stress hormones causes sequelae negatives that can lead to depression, anxiety, attachment disorders, learned helplessness, hyperactivity, etc.
- Babies are not manipulators, they just ask for what they need. A baby has not developed the intellectual part to weave a manipulation plan, that only adults do. For a baby it is as important to feed as love (for more information do click on this link) When the baby cries it is because he has a need if you do not go, the feeling he will have is that it is useless to do it because it does not cause a result. You will lose confidence in your caregivers and develop a feeling as you grow that it is not important, that you do not need to fight because there are no results.
- What does nature ask of the mother? What happens to you when your child cries? That you want to take him in your arms Well, go ahead! It is what you both need.
If you want to know more about childhood sleep, I recommend you read:
- 'The scientific debate on the reality of children's sleep' de María Berrozpe: I am personally fascinated by your level of research, rigor and amount of information, articles, examples and bibliography consulted. If you want to know more about childhood sleep, save it on your computer and read in those spaces of calm and tranquility that the little ones give you when they sleep.
- If you prefer a faster reading I recommend that you take a walk through the blog of Ibone Olza and especially in his article 'Dismantling Estivill'
- On the blog of 'we have boobs' They tell us how this theory that children sleep alone is a historical novelty.
- And surely browsing the internet you will find a lot of documents that talk about it. Although Eduard Estivill believes that:
"They criticize me on the internet, where pedophiles and murderers can comment"
And I can only reply with a quote from María Berrozpe's study:
Because there is no true freedom of choice without training and information and because today we have both at our fingertips thanks to the magnificent tool that is the internet, with its enormous scientific bibliography databases and its rich and active parenting blogosphere.